


I Am a God and a Pervert

by Gadhar



Category: Harry Potter RPF
Genre: David worries a lot, Established Relationship, Gary is a flirt, M/M, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, David, looking to be the nervous type, has a major issue with Gary messing around on the set of Lost in Space and saying things like "I am a god!....And a pervert."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am a God and a Pervert

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I own nothing. Secondly, this in no way reflects the actors themselves nor my personal view of what the actors do or should be doing. I respect both Mr. Oldman and Mr. Thewlis and love their work but I don't think they should be going around screwing each other unless they so choose to. This idea was in my head and I just wrote it.
> 
> No beta.
> 
> Some background-  
> There is a 1998 film titled _Lost In Space_ based off the 1965-1968 T.V. series of the same name. Both are good, and I recommend if you like the cheesy sci-fi things.  
>  In the film Gary Oldman plays Dr. Zachary Smith and has a line where he says "I am a god!" However, during a blooper reel included on the DVD he follows up the line with "...and a pervert."

Usually, Gary would find it adorable, endearing even, the nervousness, the twitches and ticks, the fleeting dance of fingers across thigh, the bouncing of a leg, the inability to sit still and the painfully obvious near-need to claw out of one's skin. It reminds Gary of a dog in heat. Normally, Gary loves witnessing it. Loves seeing the situation of inaction cause such a reaction that usually leads to a further reaction of fucking fervently in a broom closet. 

Right now though, he just wants to smack David across the fucking face, shake him until he stays still. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asks because goddamn it's been going on for near three hours and it's driving him crazy. They're in a car, on an obscenely long trip to some movie premiere party that neither of them really wants to go to, and Gary has enough problems trying to subdue his own inner loathing and need for freedom at knowing they're going to be there's in ten minutes, without David looking ready to vibrate into a gooey fleshy mess. 

David blinks stupidly back at him; head shaking in dismissal and then continuing on to make him look something akin to a bobble head. 

Gary tightens his grip on the steering wheel just to keep from reaching out and shilling David's head in an unnecessarily painful way. "Did you hear me? Eh? What. The fuck. Is the matter?" 

David, probably absently but God it still ticks Gary off, shakes his head again and blinks. Just like a finger pushing a bobble head. "Nothing, nothing." David's voice is airy and he licks his lips as though his mouth is as dry as the Sahara. "Why do you ask?" 

"Because you look like a freaking Energizer Bunny, bouncing up and down  A three year old on a sugar rush." 

"I'm not, Jesus, I'm not that bad, am I? It's this premiere. I don't want to go." 

"Well I don't want to go either but you don't see me looking like a fucking jumping bean!" 

David pouts and goddamn his head- "Stop doing that!"

"What?" 

"Your head! Stop doing that with your head! God, I just wanna punch you." 

"Punch me?  _Punch me?_ Oh well that's just grand, isn't it? _You_  want to punch _me_." David actually sounds offended, indignant. And, bloody hell, he isn't the one who had to look at a skittish mess for three hours. 

"What does that even mean? Did I do something? Is that why you're doing this?" 

"Doing what? I'm not doing anything!" 

"Yes you are and you know it. Jesus, you make me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. How hard is it to sit still?" 

"I'm not even- No, you know what, no. I'm not doing this. It's you fault any how." 

"My fault? Oh really? How so?" Gary really does want to know because as far as he knows, he hasn't done anything to tick David off in days. Granted, he's a little over due, but David doesn't need to jump the gun and start punishing him ahead of time. 

David huffs, throwing his back against the seat like a pouting boy, crosses his arms, and flares at the window. His fingers still tap incessantly, his leg hasn't ceased moving, and Gary forces his eyes on the road because he really is going to smack David if he keeps watching. "I saw the blooper reel." 

He actually sounds disgusted. 

"What blooper reel?" A blooper reel did this? He has mistakes made on set to thank for this? Well fuck if he'll ever let any actor screw up if this is what David's going to do.

"The Lost in Space one." David's jaw is clenched so tight the words barely make it out of his mouth and Gary actually has to strain his ears to hear. 

" _Lost in space?_  The fuck..." And he has to think because what the hell does that even mean? Lost in space. Who's lost in space? And can Gary send someone to go get them back just so David will calm the fuck down? Seriously, lost in...wait. "Jesus Christ that was ages ago! What about it?" 

David doesn't answer, just glances at Gary briefly, flicking his eyes over him like he's such a disgusting little bug, an unimpresssive specimen so tiny in his eyes, and turns back to the window.

"Well fuck." The looming sign for the premiere tosses a shadow over their car like a twenty-foot giant, and Gary withholds a grimace as he parks the in car in the farthest spot from the door he can manage. 

He switches off the ignition and pushes his fingers through his hair, taking a breath before finally turning towards David, giving his full attention. The man looks small in the passenger seat, slunk down so that you could probably only see the tuft of ginger hair front outside the car. "Alright Davey, what's the deal?"

"You called yourself a pervert." 

Gary raises an eyebrow, David says it like it's all the explanation needed. Well he's wrong. "I did." He did. He remembers it. Remembers making the other cast members laugh, remembers how he was just commenting on the weirdness of his character. 

David starts shifting; uncomfortable and more irritable than he has beneath this entire time, if that's even possible. Gary swears the man's even sweating, his face reddening as he looks ready to explode. And he does. 

"I can't stand it, okay! You're just...God, you're just so you. You're a flirt. You're a die-hard flirt and I trust you but damn I can't help but think every time you're gone for weeks, working on one thing or another, that you're filling around with someone. It's stupid and I usually can get over it, but then, then you go and say things like  _that_. And all I can think is it's some inside joke for someone I don't know."

David is on the edge of the seat now, after fighting with the seatbelt, wringing his hands together impatiently as his eyes scan back and forth, looking at everything but Gary. 

Gary just laughs. 

David's giving him death glares, ones that usually make his blood run cold but now it's just too goddamn funny. To think, one stupid offhand comment made years ago is what has David acting like there's a pole up his arse. 

"Who did you think I was fucking? Billy? I mean really, have you seen him? The man's great and all but he's a little too serious for my taste, too calm." 

"I- you're mocking me." "Damn right! Seriously, David, it was just a stupid comment, and I said it years ago. It didn't mean anything. I mean did you actually watch the movie? My character was a little...odd."

"I just..."

"Oh, David you're hopeless. Look, I say things sometimes okay, and if it helps, I'll stop flirting with everyone."

"Really?" 

"No. But I can try. Not really."

"You're a right bastard, you know that?" David shakes his head and for the first time, for the first fucking time, it doesn't keep going. No more bobble head, thank God. Gary doesn't want to slap him anymore, no, instead he wants to do something more troublesome. He wants to shag David in a broom closet like a sneaky hormonal teenager. 

But fuck if it doesn't have to wait until after this movie premiere.

**Author's Note:**

> Billy refers to William Hurt, I don't know why I picked him. I just did.
> 
> Below is a link to the blooper reel via YouTube if anyone is interested.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cicT10R47Hk&feature=youtube_gdata_player


End file.
